It was a dark and stormy day... at least I think it was? I can't really tell if the sun is shining outside of the fluorescent lit tomb known as the workplace from hell. But "dark and stormy" is more fitting to this story than the actual "hot and humid." So hot and humid, in fact, that I have sworn off wearing pants for over a week. Don't worry, I've just been wearing dresses. Unfortunately, most of the dresses I have are either strapless or have very thin straps and my shoulders are just too darn provocative to show in the store that sells hoochie mama cheetah print hooker dresses to 12 year old girls so I have to wear sweaters to cover them up. One of my favorites is a simple thin white flyaway cardigan with short sleeves. Apparently it was a customer's favorite too....
Greeting customers puts the "hell" in "hello." Every time I acknowledge one of them, I end up with a crazy and this lady was no exception. As I was cleaning out the fitting room, I noticed a middle aged lady who appeared to be in distress. She had a very mom-like appearance so I figured she was safe to approach. I apparently need to work on my people skills because boy was I wrong. I asked if she needed any help and she said that she lost her sweater (note she was NOT wearing any provocative shoulder-baring clothing. And the heat index was 107 that day) I told her that I would help look for it and headed for the fitting room, which is where she last saw it. The sweater was nowhere to be found. Then, she must have noticed that I was wearing a white sweater and asked where I got it. Once again, I made a stupid mistake on my part and told her I got it at the store last year. I thought she just might want to replace her lost beloved sweater because that's what any normal person would do. But this lady wasn't a normal person, she was an MC Nickels customer. She then accused me of taking a sweater I found in the fitting room. Because that's what I do all day, find other people's clothing in the fitting room and claim them as my own.... and wear them. I explained to her that I actually found it in my closet at home that day and wore it to cover up my provocative shoulders. She stared at me suspiciously and left her name and phone number in case the sweater was found.
Well, waddayaknow. The next day I was folding a table and found her freaking sweater. I couldn't help but compare it to mine (which I was still wearing that day- shoulders are just too erotic for the store that sells push up bathing suit tops). Her's was a long sleeved sweater with three buttons... it looked nothing like mine. I found the paper with her phone number and made the call, feeling very justified that I could prove to this lady I did not steal her sweater. Unfortunately, when she answered she was on her way to Cleveland. But she still wanted that damn sweater for the chilly 100 degree weather and asked if we could ship it to her. After a long pause in disbelief, I replied no and told her it would be waiting at the lost and found. And this brings the curious case of the sweater napping to a close.
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