Slush Road Cavy

Since I have been on the super secret team at the hell hole recently, I haven't had much to say other than complaining about all the hush-hush projects I've had to endure...but can't speak openly about. I'm like a retail James Bond with ninja skills... except not as cool. Not nearly as cool. Alas, that's about all I'm allowed to say... you never know, there are secret agents from Kohls everywhere. The saddest part is, it's all true. We were bound to secrecy in fear our competitors might overhear and steal this ridiculous new strategy. When customers ask me what's going on, I reply, "We're trying a new strategy we learned from Montgomery Wards and Lazarus." Some of them will accept this answer, but others will look perplexed and reply, "But those stores are closed." To which, I just nod and give and emphatic, "Exactly." However, I will still roam around the store humming "Secret Agent Man"... or the theme from the Pink Panther.

Since my job is now under-wraps, I shall divulge all the juicy details of my weekend... that's

right, weekend. I had a real one this time. Like most normal people, I got off of work at 5:00pm on Friday and didn't have to be back till 9:00am Monday. It was a glorious sensation. I felt alive. I felt renewed. I finally knew what Loverboy was talking about... I could just hear that cowbell. Since everyone was watching to see what I would do, I felt the pressure to get it right... get it right. I wanted to go somewhere and do something spontaneous, but a midnight train going anywhere just seemed dangerous. So I hopped in my I-wish-I-could-still-call-him-trusty Cavy and headed for Latrobe where at least I would be fed...aaaand cue the snow. Most people would turn back, but, oh no, I had a grumble in my tummy and a nice warm house on my mind. A major section of the commute was not bad... until we got to the dark lands where the Penn Dot workers really take out some anger issues on unsuspecting drivers. I'm pretty sure they added snow to the road. Either that or I took a wrong turn and ended up on Ice Road Truckers. Hey, maybe I could have my own show- Slush Road Cavy.

Eventually my earning-back-my-trust Cavy and I did make it home and were handsomely rewarded with a warm house (and a garage), food, and gifts aplenty.... even though the gifts aplenty are going to put me on Hoarders one day. My mom finds deals. She likes coupons. She likes clearance items. Even if these items are already stockpiled in the house or we don't actually need. Case in point- my mom handed me two bags of pinecones. Yes, pinecones. Apparently they were on sale. I don't know if she got swindled by a squirrel, but last time I checked, pinecones were free as long as you found the right tree. So now I have two bags of pinecones sitting on my living room couch. Oh well, I guess I'll keep them. Maybe they can decorate the library in my Scottish castle.