Code Name: Kevin Costner

Perhaps my six year old self was right. Maybe I'm not meant to be in a creative field. Maybe I should have taken my life in a much different direction. I take solace in the fact that somewhere in an alternate universe (possibly the one where in 2036 Desmond is stuck in amber), no one told me The X-Files wasn't real and I am fighting crime and aliens with Mulder, Scully, and my cigarette smoking homeboy.

This runaway thought train began during my sobriety free St. Patrick's Day festivities. For some reason, Vice President Joe Biden decided to lead the 'Burgh's bagpipers through dahntawn. Of course, accompanying him were a bunch of Secret Service agents. Well, my friend put the idea in my head that "it can't be that hard." Besides, ya know, the possibility of taking a bullet for someone that you might not even like. Thus, the seed of becoming "Code Name: Kevin Costner" was planted in my warped little mind.

It's a true underdog story. A girl from a small town with big city dreams that are immediately dashed once she enters the harsh realities of the "real world" where people stop being polite... and start getting real. She could feel the creativity slowly seeping out of her soul, the writer's blocks becoming walls and the walls demanding a sacrifice of 10,000 men... but settling on a man simply named 10,000 and being a man made structure that can be seen from outer space (yeah, I remember World Cultures). Plus, who really makes money doing things they like anyway? Why not take up a more noble profession? Become a modern-day knight... who gets shot at... and has to do a lot of running. I wouldn't pass any sort of physical test. But at least I wouldn't rent a prostitute... that should give me a leg up on the competition.

Where have all the real nerds gone?

A strange phenomenon is happening at the hellhole. There's a strange spark in the air like a storm is brewing. A storm that causes up to be down and left to be right and right to be wrong. But if loving caped crusaders, mystery men, masked vigilantes, and the like is wrong, then I don't want to be right. I proudly wore their emblems on my chest before Sheldon Cooper and crew made them... cool?

The super hero shirts that usually just collected dust have started selling like hotcakes, which as evidenced by the Greensburg IHOP opening weekend, is pretty darn fast. I assumed this was because of the mass influx of super hero films and excitement for the upcoming Avengers and Dark Knight Rises, but this doesn't seem to be the case. Apparently there are a lot of people under the assumption that these are Big Bang theory shirts. I'm not sure if they believe that the creators of The Big Bang theory created a whole nerdy realm of fictional superheroes for the nerdy main characters to obsess over. I'll admit the show is a few steps above most of the sitcoms nowadays and is, at times, even clever. But not that clever. These caped crusaders have been around for a rather long time.

I became rather fascinated with this "Big Bang" phenomena and began to observe those who perused the nerdy shirt table. Only the real nerds went for the shirts that proclaimed "Marvel" in the traditional block letters surrounded by the actual characters. However, the shirts with only the symbol were fair game for those who weren't even sure who they represented... or just assumed that everyone would realize they were ironically referencing the Big Bang crew. How do conversations with these guys go? Something like this:

Me: Oh, you like The Flash?

Customer: Who?

Me: The Flash...DC Comics... superspeed?

Customer: No, I like The Big Bang theory.

Me: Oh. People will totally get that just by you wearing this shirt.

Customer: ...Sheldon has one.

Me: ... Sheldon also knows who the Flash is.

Now, I'm not the biggest nerd in the world, but buying a nerdy shirt just because it was worn in a tv show you like would be like me thinking I know Italian just because I like Fellini films... which I do... and I was convinced I knew Italian after writing a paper on him... but that's not the point. Maybe look for a "Bazinga" shirt or something that directly references the show before us nerds try to recruit you into our pack.