Ugly Christmas Pt. 1- Have Yourself a Very Ugly Christmas (Dress)

Leave it to MC Nickels to prove that sweaters and jackass customers aren't the only things that get uglier around Christmas time. Little demons have been delivering the hellish holiday splendor by the truckloads recently. I'm really beginning to wonder if they picked up some of the dresses at a yard sale thrown by Paula Abdul and Tiffany. A picture is worth a thousand words and I risked my life, limb and unfortunate choice of career for these lovelies, so let's take a gander, shall we?

Wrap your right boob up in a lovely bright red taffeta bow for the holidays leaving almost as much mystery and intrigue as a dick in a box.

Welcome to the 80s, Molly Ringwald!

For all your Charles Dickens/ Victorian ghost haunting needs.

Did someone say Molly Ringwald? Pretty in Pink? No? What? Oh, sugar plum fairy? Screw that, I'm the cotton candy fairy.

Well, if you can't afford Christmas presents, you could always become a streetwalker.

Speaking of streetwalker, this dress is for the "Pretty Woman" in all of us.

You might have noticed in my long, yet clever title of this post, I stated this is merely part one of what I expect to be a very long series spotlighting the more eclectic holiday items MC Nickels carries. These items will more than likely be available for $1.97 in January. Oh, the anticipation. Not for the $1.97 holiday deals, for January when this hellish time is coming to a close.

Keep your Savage Garden to Yourself.

My name might be Jennifer, but it's not Jennifer Lopez. I might wear v-necks, but I'm not Simon Cowell. I might slur my words a bit and have a very complicated relationship with a cartoon cat sidekick that raps with me, but I'm not Paula Abdul. So please, do not treat my register like the American Idol audition room. Serenading your cashier will not make the poor unfortunate soul sing a rip roaring duet with you. I also refuse to create a back beat for your epic ballad with the dinging of the scanner and keystrokes. This isn't Glee. Thank God.

It doesn't help that hell has one of the worst musical selections ever. And if I don't initially hate the song, I grow to despise it. Sure, there are a few exceptions besides the obvious Queen and Sprinsteen. I do often request that you tell me what you want, what you really, really want. I still like to live la vida loca while being indecisive about two princes who adore me. And, yes, I do pretend to work at Empire Records when Gin Blossoms come on, mainly because that movie so lied to me about the level of awesomeness in part time jobs. What can I say? I guess I'm still a 90s kid through and through. But, please, keep your Savage Garden to yourself. Unless you are standing outside of my window next a Vespa holding a boombox in the air playing a burnt CD of your mix for me (The 90s version of Say Anything). Even then I might call the cops or throw things at you.

Pittsburgh! By all means, Pittsburgh. I will cherish my visit here... oh crap, it's where I live.

Shocking news! I actually had a Sunday off. And it was a lovely day. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, the Steelers won and it was nothing but blue skies all day. And no, that's not sarcasm. I even got to see one of my favorite films, Roman Holiday, on "the big screen." I know, I really let my pink, ruffly, girly flag fly with this one. So the visions of Gregory Peck (my love from another generation) and magical moped rides through Rome danced in my head and made it easier to go into the hell hole this morning.

I adore every single frame of this film. I can put it on and instantly feel that warm, fuzzy feeling, like a kid about to fall asleep on Christmas Eve. Completely comforted, at peace, yet the butterfly wings of anticipation are starting to stir. The running time is 118 minutes, but for me it feels like five. I've even come to love the film's ending because it's such a pull back to reality. (SPOILER ALERT!) She's a princess, he's a common reporter. They could never actually be together. Especially since the entire film they tried to hide their true identities from each other. In the end, the masks come off and they go their separate ways with only the memory of the one magical day they spent together. When I first saw this movie oh-so-long- ago when I was a real youngin', I hated the end. How could such a happy film have such an unhappy ending? I came up with many scenarios where Princess Anne runs away again to find Joe and they live happily ever after. But as I grew older, I realized not everything has a storybook ending. To quote Gregory Peck in the film "Life isn't always what one likes, is it?" Your whole life can't be a fairy tale.... but one day can. And, oh, what days those can be. We all need our "Roman holidays" every now and then, they're what get us by. So I might not be cruising on a Vespa in Rome with the love of my life anytime soon. But I won't lose hope. It is, after all, my girly dream. For now, I'll take a kayak ride down the Allegheny River on a beautiful fall day. My Pittsburgh Holiday.

Friday Night Frights

High school football is in full swing. Haunted houses are scaring the bejeezus out of the lucky bastards who don't already work in hell (and aren't poor). If that's not enough to entertain the average, everyday person, the weather has been unseasonably warm so outdoor activities are still an option. But it's not the average, everyday person that shops at MC Nickels Friday nights, they stop by in between howling at the moon and chilling at the Overlook Hotel. So the mall looks like a scene out of Dawn of the Dead with how many hobgoblins decide to shop Friday nights. At least it was not a full moon.

George Romero let one of his zombies loose again. I was fixing the business casual area along the wall when I heard a woman stage whispering "Miss? Miss?" I looked over and there was a woman in the aisle way looking everywhere except at me saying over and over again, "Miss? Miss?" So figured that maybe possibly she was looking for someone named Missy (Miss). Nope, she was looking for me. She ambled over to the rack I was fixing and asked for some help with pants. I understand that the undead really aren't supposed to say much more besides utter a few "Braaaains" and maybe a few guttural noises, but it was like pulling teeth to figure out what pants she wanted. Turns out the ones on the mannequin. Which were just basic black pants. The basic black pants that fill two racks. Two racks that are right near the mannequin.

Then, hillbillies from Deliverance rolled down the mountain to do a bit o' shoppin' at ye ole trading post. I didn't really encounter them till the end of their journey. I hope to God they made it back and aren't waiting for me in the morning. It's looking pretty grim though since one exclaimed, "I don't know where I am. I had a couple Woodchucks before coming here!" while trying to find the exit where they parked their car. Or tractor. At least Billy Joe or Bobby Joe didn't try to hit on me. I'm not one of those girls who think they're extremely attractive and deeply desired by anyone with a penis. I'm not and I don't, but I do tend to attract men of the toothless variety. Hockey player? Please?

My Own Personal Nightmare Before Christmas

It all starts with one strand of garland, a piece of tinsel, a quiet "ho, ho, ho," one single jingle bell... and then it all snowballs into this gruesome scene.

Soon the Christmas bells will ring and choirs of Satanic children will be drowned out by the overpowering techno music blaring from the make up counter. My own personal nightmare (3 months) before Christmas. Completely ignoring the best holiday of all time- Halloween. It's only a matter of time before the normally ghoulish customers will be clocking in overtime. I already had one shriveled goblin tell me that she was going to "keel over by the time I finished typing in her coupon." I just smiled, told her I couldn't get the coupon to work and I'm not allowed to override them anymore, while silently adding "bitch" (a la- Jesse Pinkman). It would have been easy to manually take off $10 and it would have been "legal" since her purchase was $24.99 and it was a $10 off $25 coupon. It would have also been easy for her to be a little more patient and a little nicer to me. Lesson learned, bitch. (No, not really, but at least I got her to buy a $3 candy bar)

Soooo... anyone want to work with me?

(Enticing flyer complete with Comic Sans)