The Late Night War Rages in the Leonard House

Many feel that for some reason my comedic genius is best suited for late night television (more than likely so it will be hidden far, far out of sight and mind). My parents are starting to agree. Like most parents, they only want what is best for their daughter so they are trying to find the perfect suitor their little comedian and both seem to have such differing perspectives that it has caused a rift in my once happy childhood home as vast as the one in the opening credits of Land of the Lost.

I have mentioned mommy dearest many times before, but not much on my dad. So here's a summary of him. He's the quieter, more reposed of the two. He is logic and my mom is chaos. He taught me a love for classic rock at a young age (I wasn't allowed to listen to 90s pop music under his watch... but my mom and aunt snuck me CDs anyway). He passed on not only his skill for visual arts (he's actually a pretty good photographer), but also the incredibly geeky gene that seems to run in the Leonard family. This penchant for anything nerdy combined with my mom's hippiness to form me.

Of course I had to go home this weekend to honor the man who introduced me to the first love of my life, Fox Mulder. While we were at dinner, surrounded by other happy families celebrating their fathers, my parents decided it was the best place to break the news to me. They're in a war with each other. A battle between late night talk show hosts (they might be a little behind on the times). My mother has latched onto Jimmy Fallon like she latched onto Sidney Crosby. Well, what else is a cougar to do in the off-season? And my father has always watched Craig Ferguson. They both believe that they have found my future boss-man... as if both hosts are just clamoring to have me on their writing team. Of course I heard all about Jimmy Fallon (she watched him on Piers Morgan) and every skit he does on his show, since my mom is the louder, slightly more talkative one of the two... even if most of what she says is just repeating what she said 5 minutes before. Hey, she partied hard in the 70s, more (flower) power to her. My dad did have a pretty good argument for Craig though- "He has a robot skeleton sidekick.... and puppets."

This late night feud has gotten so bad that they're starting to sleep in separate bedrooms.... not so much out of anger for each other, but because they each put on their late night talk show of choice and fall asleep to it. Maybe it's not so bad after all. After all those sex ed classes in junior high, I've dreamed of them having separate rooms. I just thought that I would feel more comfortable in my house that way. Well, thanks Jimmy and Craig, you've made one of my dreams come true... now hire me? Please?