Mirror, mirror on the wall, I'm the fairest of them all? Bitch, please!

As I've mentioned before, I'm pretty much a Disney princess. But the cool kind, like Belle... minus the Stockholm syndrome. I live on the third floor of my house with my dog who at least tries to speak, even if it's not English. And I have two sparrows, who I named Jack and Sally, that come to my window almost every morning. If only they could team up with the mice infestation to make me pretty dresses and a suit jacket to put on the chair next to me for my missing Prince Charming. I mean, he totally exists, he's just in the bathroom. Aaanyway, clearly there are many people who are just plain jealous of this:

Am I right?! So I was quite confused when a customer, who I will now refer to as the "Evil Queen" came up to me and after I asked if she found everything she was looking for completely flipped her lid and exclaimed, "I want a new body!" I was somewhat afraid she was a serial killer so I didn't say anything and tried not to make any sudden movements while ringing up her purchase. This didn't stop her from continuing her rant though, stating that I "think (I'm) young and pretty now, but just wait till (I) get old and fat. It'll happen! Some people escape it, but it'll happen eventually!" Several things went through my head at this point. The first one, obviously, was "You think I'm pretty?!" But the thought she was going to take me up to the food court and force feed me wasn't far behind. However, since I'm pretty damn poor, I'd actually be ok with this. The third and most rational thought was "I hope I don't care what I look like when I'm old." Vanity is for the young, I hope that when I'm fifty, I have more in my life to care about than just my looks. Like my Prince Charming, for example.... oh, damnit, that's right... he's just a jacket.... thaaat he left on the chair when he went to the restroom. He totally exists.