Oh, Black Friday, how I hate thee, let me count the ways... No, really, let me count them. I'm exhausted, worked almost 20 hours in two days and have to watch a few very important Disney movies to make me feel better.
1. The parking lot. If you aren't tired and cranky having to come into work at 4:00 in the morning, then you're angry and disgruntled coming in for a later shift and having to fight for a parking spot. I suppose my parents' car almost getting hit four times isn't the worst thing that could have happened (Pepper spray? Stun gun, anyone? Stampede? Anyone? Mufassa... Mufassa? No?) I drove around for about 20 minutes when I gave up and made a sign that said "Just trying to get to work, please take pity on me" and held it out the window. Luckily it worked and I got a prime parking spot smack dab in the middle of bumfuck Egypt.
2. Stupid sales, stupid exclusions. Some items are on sale all day, some end at 1:00 pm. Some things are on sale till the next day. The coupons don't start till 2:00 pm. This is far too much for me to keep track of and far too much for me care one iota about. This brings me to...
3. Stupid people thinking I'm stupid and trying to make up their own stupid sale/ discount. I was asked to give out the "Canadian discount." I have never heard of this. Are we supposed to feel bad for you because you're from our very cold attic? Well, m'am, on the worst shopping day of the year, I do not. Please take your so-called "bacon," maple syrup, Celine Dion and ride that barrel right back up the falls. On second thought, leave the maple syrup. The only people getting the "Canadian discount" here are on a little team called the Pittsburgh Penguins. And they'd have to pry me off his leg first.
4. Well, more like 3 1/2. Sleep deprived, loopy people turning the lightbulb in their head off for the day. We had a coupon that was $10 off of $50. It's very simple. You spend $50 and you get $10 off. A first grader would comprehend this. However, many times yesterday I got handed the coupon for a purchase less than $50. When I told the customer they had to buy a few more things, they just stared at me with those vacant eyes and stated, "But it says no exclusions." Well, I think if you spend less than $50 on a coupon meant for $50 or more, it's an exclusion.
5. This is just the start of one hellish season. Bah freaking humbug indeed.
Obviously these are just a few of the many reasons why I hate Black Friday. However, the others are mostly unfunny rants about how awful it is that consumerism has taken over Christmas, a holiday about peace and goodwill towards men now kicks off with people actually getting kicked and punched, shot, trampled, etc. all in the name of the latest cheap plastic gadget or the only $200 tv in the whole store. You know, that kinda thing. Normally I'd be happy to rant about such a thing, but there goes the baker with his tray, like always. The same old bread and rolls to sell...
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