You might be wondering why I stay in retail. Well, it's one of the few menial jobs where I can openly insult people to their faces, give snarky remarks, or just plain hide from customers and managers while not having it affect my pay rate. If I was a much nicer person and had the ability to muster up caring two shits about a job robots will perform in the future, I would be a waitress and possibly make more money. But after seeing my friend study for a waitressing TEST, I realize this just not possible. I now thank my lucky stars that I did not have to take a test on folding or the proper color palette for setting the tables... oh, wait, I know that one. Thanks, art direction class! At least I'm using it for something. I can pay off the credits from that course in...hmmm... a decade?
However, I have finally found a gal made from my same sarcastic mold. A mirror image of myself, if you will. A sistah from another mistah. OK, so she might be a fictional character, but she acts pretty much how I would if I were forced to wait tables. That's right, Kat Dennings from Two Broke Girls. Yup, I'm somewhat of a sucker for sitcoms too. I'm one of the few people who are cheering Tim Allen's return to prime time because I can watch it and just pretend like I'm back in the 90s or watching an alternate universe version of Home Improvement. These shows make me realize one integral part of my life that has been missing since day one- a laugh track. For example, when a customer asks me, "Do you work here?" I've now started replying with, "I try not to." I can't imagine why, but sometimes people almost seem offended by this response. However, with a laugh track, they would have to give a simple chuckle and pause awkwardly to let the laughter die down, while it cuts back to me giving the customer my patented patented raised eyebrow stare, then it would cut back to the customer for his/her next line. I'm not going to lie, I often have Scrubs- like fantasies with this exact scenario. Yup, I watch that show too. If TV rots your brain, I'll need to go see the Wizard for a new one cause my original is probably long gone.
Strangely enough, my real life- waitress friend
is a tall blonde. And I am the short, curvy, curly-
haired brunette... So much for developing a sitcom
about my life.
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