Hipster hoes in different area codes... and keys?

Before the judgement begins. I might work at a hipster clothing website. I might have attended the Death Cab for Cutie concert this weekend. On occasion, you may find me in black rimmed glasses (they help me see) and a pretty, pretty dress. However, I am not a hipster. Merely a manic pixie dream girl minus the "pixie" and "dream"... and it's kinda iffy on the girl part. Particularly since my comeback lines whenever men yell lewd comments at me usually involve me stating that I have a penis.

Anyway, back to the Death Cab concert. I don't know what it is, but I am somehow a magnet for the inappropriate folks who just go to concerts to drink, attempt to make babies through their clothes, and annoy people. And that's exactly who we ended up next to at this concert... and a knight in shining armor, whom I'm pretty sure I terrified with comments about singing murderous children, likening the drunken debauchery next to me to the cast of the "Monongahela Shore" and oh, yes, a Lion King reference. Oh, and this was after I just stopped, stared for awhile with wide eyes and my mouth gaping open because God forbid an attractive man speak to me and I act like a normal human being. However, it was very refreshing to have someone actually be nice and even chivalrous at a concert, considering what I've run into in the past... and present because those hipster hoes were still right next to me. Fist pumping. Yes, FIST PUMPING to DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE (I did feel the need to caps lock yell those words). Somewhere, Seth Cohen fell to his knees, looked to the sky, and just screamed "Nooooo!" (Yes, I might have indulged in a few episodes of The OC... a few episodes being the entire series...).

There was also the man completely obliterated in front of us who was either going to vomit, pass out, or both. And the man who snuck up behind us and requested to dance with us girls. Unfortunately, I didn't hear him or else I would have stated that I wasn't actually a girl...and probably would have gotten punched in the face. Then I would have screamed, "I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES, BITCH!" because that is just something I want to yell at those who anger me. Luckily, there were people around who I think just pitied us and helped us steer clear of creepers. Finally, we ran into our knight in shining armor that helped us out with the creepers in the beginning of the show....he recognized us by overhearing my statement about being anxious in crowds because I think of Mufassa.


Dear God, please grant me the strength to be more "Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe." and less "Hey, I just met you and I am crazy, blah blah blah blah blah. The Lion King." ((PS. This would have also been helpful when I was on Grandview this evening and another somewhat attractive man attempted to talk to me by starting a conversation with "Kindles suck..." a statement that I concur with being that I slightly glared at the girl who had one and decided to sit right next to me, but could only think to reply with "I like books." I might as well have said turtles."))