Leave the Batman, Take the Cannoli aka "Wax on, Wayne off"

So I survived the full moon without a scratch. Unfortunately, no one would jump in the Mon with me to see if we'd become mermaids. (H2O: Just Add Water- watch it!). In celebration of surviving the full moon/ meteor shower weekend, I took a long and treacherous journey through the bat n'at filming dahntahn in search of a cannoli from the Strip (to no avail, I might add.)

While putzing through the 2nd unit filming (Hello, people whose job I want), getting the stink eye from security guards (clearly jealous because they didn't get the cool security job and are stuck with the dudes filming buildings), I noticed that Pittsburgh pride is out in full force- along with the booties of females in leggings and baby doll fit Steeler jerseys. Ladies, just because you like football, does not mean you need to dress like a football player. Leggings are not pants. You know those signs in parking garages that say "Put your junk in your trunk?" That's to keep it hidden. Please take heed and hide your junk in your trunk with a long enough top. Just doing my part to help Pittsburgh get off the worst dressed list.

So with sore feet and a cannoli craving that will not be extinguished, I begrudgingly limped into work. Well, apparently a lot of folks are suffering from a full moon hang over in these waning phases... oh, wait Batman's still in town Wayne-ing phases? The mall opens at 10:00 am. The mall doors open before that so if people want to get to the mall, they don't have to wait for the 10:00 sharp opening of the department stores and the subsequent opening of their mall doors. Which is why at 10:02 I was ready to smack a whining little bitch... of an old man. Who sat there glaring at me, tapping his foot, looking at his watch and giving exasperated sighs asking me when the mall doors will open. I'm sorry, I'm not Aladdin, I don't have a magic lamp and this is not the Cave of Wonders, you'll just have to wait for a manager with a key.

The day didn't get much better from there. The pregnant girl was a no show again, so I was stuck by myself on the register. Which I usually don't mind because I stand there and write about how much I hate working in hell. But today there was a mass epidemic of people who woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The first customer got upset because I put her return amount on a gift card... which is what she paid with and which is what the computer told me to do. I saw 2001, you don't go against HAL. When I tried to explain this to her, she scoffed grabbed all of the receipts and tried to run away. When I asked her to please come back and give me the store copy, she yelled "I just took what you gave me!" Yes, you took the receipt that I told you to sign, give back to me and said "STORE COPY" with stars all around it. Then she is going to be nice enough to come back with the stuff that she bought a few days ago, return it and pay for it with a gift card. And she saw my name tag so she is going to ask for me by name. OK, go ahead and ask for "I have a zipper." Finding random tags is fun.

The rest of the day was full of lovely people. A hoverround lady with road rage was angry at me because I was only scanning one item at a time. As opposed to grabbing all of the scanners from the registers and going "Stick 'em up!... the tags, I mean." And a grandmother who taught her granddaughter some new words- including "Shit, fuck and goddamn" all over us not having the right size dress she wanted to exchange (she found one anyway). Who says you kids don't learn things in the summertime? The kindly old woman also thought it was precious when the granddaughter grabbed the receipt from the register and pretended she grew a beard. She did not think it was so adorable when I handed her the original receipt and accused me of stealing the receipt for the exchange. I just looked at her, pointed at her granddaughter and said "It's on her face." Then it was cute again.

So that's the last straw. I can't take people anymore. I've figured out what I want to do with my life. Next full moon, I'm becoming a mermaid. Cause I'm no ordinary girl, I'm from the deep blue under world and the world's my oyster, I'm the pearl....