Friday, October 7, 2011

Friday Night Frights


High school football is in full swing. Haunted houses are scaring the bejeezus out of the lucky bastards who don't already work in hell (and aren't poor). If that's not enough to entertain the average, everyday person, the weather has been unseasonably warm so outdoor activities are still an option. But it's not the average, everyday person that shops at MC Nickels Friday nights, they stop by in between howling at the moon and chilling at the Overlook Hotel. So the mall looks like a scene out of Dawn of the Dead with how many hobgoblins decide to shop Friday nights. At least it was not a full moon.

George Romero let one of his zombies loose again. I was fixing the business casual area along the wall when I heard a woman stage whispering "Miss? Miss?" I looked over and there was a woman in the aisle way looking everywhere except at me saying over and over again, "Miss? Miss?" So figured that maybe possibly she was looking for someone named Missy (Miss). Nope, she was looking for me. She ambled over to the rack I was fixing and asked for some help with pants. I understand that the undead really aren't supposed to say much more besides utter a few "Braaaains" and maybe a few guttural noises, but it was like pulling teeth to figure out what pants she wanted. Turns out the ones on the mannequin. Which were just basic black pants. The basic black pants that fill two racks. Two racks that are right near the mannequin.

Then, hillbillies from Deliverance rolled down the mountain to do a bit o' shoppin' at ye ole trading post. I didn't really encounter them till the end of their journey. I hope to God they made it back and aren't waiting for me in the morning. It's looking pretty grim though since one exclaimed, "I don't know where I am. I had a couple Woodchucks before coming here!" while trying to find the exit where they parked their car. Or tractor. At least Billy Joe or Bobby Joe didn't try to hit on me. I'm not one of those girls who think they're extremely attractive and deeply desired by anyone with a penis. I'm not and I don't, but I do tend to attract men of the toothless variety. Hockey player? Please?

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