BRB, Going on a Mission from God.

So I came to a sickening realization today. The Blues Brother lied to me. Car chases through malls rarely happen. I've worked in retail for six long years and have not witnessed a single high speed chase. Which is even more disappointing considering how quickly those annoying center mall kiosks are reproducing. They need to be like Monroeville mall and keep those little fuckers caged in. My hair is already curly, no I don't want it straightened, let go of my hand and your pillow smells bad! None of your silly products are viable Christmas presents. Go away and let me get my Orange Juilius, damnit!

Sigh. It's like one more of my childhood dreams have been dashed and I once again am forced to face how gloomy and abysmal my life has become. Maybe it's not that bad, but I do miss being a kid...even though I did go to Catholic school, but I feel like I relate to the blues brothers more that way. Plus, I was the cool Catholic school kid who was obsessed with The X-Files, The Blues Brothers, and whatever other inappropriate things my dad let me watch at a rather young, impressionable age. A winning combination for any nun or teacher to deal with. So maybe I was a little different. Maybe I did vehemently question the Bible, but believe in aliens without any doubt. Maybe I forgot the authors of the Gospel and wrote John, Paul, George and Ringo on my test (Yoko was the book of Revelation. Clearly) Maybe I did proclaim I was on a mission from God whenever I got caught somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. And maybe I did get in trouble for all of these shenanigans, but I was still much happier than I am stuck in retail...this time the cynicism is real. It's not as cute as when the sarcasm was coming from a little kid. Now I'm just a world weary twenty something with a bachelor of arts degree stuck folding clothes for a living.

All of this was running through my head today and the past couple days when I had to wait on pretty much every customer who was either stoned, disconnected from reality, or just completely insane. You know the type instantly- it's like NBC instilled a 7 second delay from their eyes to their brain and vice versa. One even perfected a David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust impersonating Lady Gaga costume...although I don't believe it was intentional. For some reason I am the person that these drugged up alien hippies decide is their leader and they ask my for advice, then proceed to follow me around the store. Unfortunately, I've been in too much of a slump the past few weeks to fight back, so I fear these people may have won for now. Once the Christmas soundtrack, recorded by the Children of the Corn, begins, the Grinch inside of me will once again rear its ugly self and I'll be my feisty old self. Hopefully. I want to believe. Until then, I suppose I'll just have to tell these people that I'll be right back, I'm going on a mission from God.