Oh what fun it is to ride and sing a slaying song tonight...

No. I did not spell "sleighing" incorrectly, that is what the music at my unfortunate place of employment sounds like...a merry band of children with axes and machetes off to slay their next victim. That's right, they began playing Christmas music in the beginning of November... hooray. Even customers are complaining about it. Well, one customer. And she pretty much blamed me like I have control over their choice of tunes and for some reason I would choose the rejects from American Idol duetting with Satan's minions. It's a sad day when I get excited to hear the soothing sounds of Justin Timberlake, Lance Bass, JC, Chris Kirkpatrick, and Joey Fatones wishing me "Merry Christmas (merry Christmas) and happy holidays." A wonderful feeling from the floor to the ceiling, indeed.

I have several new interpretations of "Baby It's Cold Outside." In one version I'm pretty sure the man roofied her. I've always been creeped out by the line, "Say! What's in this drink?" and the MCN version makes it all the creepier since the female seems genuinely concerned for her safety and the man sounds like he just stopped by because he had to inform her that he moved into the neighborhood. Then all of this gets turned around in the next version of this song that plays on loop over and over and over and over (I'm sure it gets played at least 10 times). In this version, I'm pretty sure the female is ready to tie the man up outside or in a freezer and have him freeze to death. The lyrics are the same, but the girl sounds like she's actually a Satanic doll brought to life around Christmas time to terrorize the man of the house. I guess this can all be chalked up to a girl power version of the song. Oh, what those crazy Spice Girls have done to society.

Then they decide to play "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas " over and over and over again. As if working in retail wasn't depressing enough, they decide to play the most depressing Christmas song ever. The only good thing about this song was that it was played in the episode of The X-Files, "How the Ghosts Stole Christmas." No wonder the holiday season is also suicide season, a lot of it probably has to do with this song. And, oh yes, the version that they play at MCN does include the opening line "Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last." What a nice thought. Thank you for telling me I might die within the next year and reminding me in a happy little Christmas tune... which is about being away from the ones you

love. But now it just reminds me of being stuck in retail.

Luckily, they are only starting to mix in the Christmas tunes. So I still have a few songs that can be my saving grace during the hard work day. Until then, I'll just have to sit and wait that they work in my favorite version of Jingle Bells... you know, the one about Batman.