In preparation for my upcoming role as Robin in the back of a police car speeding away from The Dark Knight Rises set, I have decided to pretend to be a different person every day I am stuck in retail hell. No, I did not give up on my dream of the behind the scenes drudge work for the glamour of the silver screen. I haven't gone all Norma Desmond yet. Actually, I prefer the term "dramatic lying" instead of acting. You might also think I've gone even more insane. Well, as the oh-so-dreamy Fox Mulder once said "Sometimes the only sane answer to an insane world is insanity."
So, in honor of the playoffs, since I can't grow a beard, I am going to develop a Canadian accent, eh? I figure this will also be useful for my upcoming web series featuring 2 Canadians stuck in post apocalyptic Pittsburgh (the only drug I was on when I came up with this gem was an overload of caffeine. I wish I knew how my mind works) Also, thanks to the nightmare I have of Sarah Palin (or Donald Trump) winning the 2012 election, I may have to flee to the igloo neighborhood of the north. But let's not get political, eh?
Thanks to Netflix watch instantly, I have spent many hours studying the Canadian people. I'm not sure I'd be able to survive their high school though. It appears as if many of the students are addicted to pretty much any drug imaginable, teenage pregnancies, and the rapper Drake in a wheelchair. All my high school had was one girl who popped out a kid every year and a girl that tossed nachos onto a guy's lap and that's what got us dubbed as the "worst class in Latrobe's history." An honor everyone in my class was proud of. I also don't know if I can pull of the "nice and polite" Canadian stereotype. Because...well, I'm neither of those things. I can't help it. If MC Nickels is retail hell, I'd rather be one of the demons than just some helpless soul.
Perhaps I can just start out with learning the Canadian accent and work on my character's backstory later. Maybe I witnessed my parents' murder as a child and I swore to seek revenge by fighting every criminal master mind in the city. No one would expect your local retail associate would actually be a heroic crime fighter. Since I am Canadian, I would shape my costume as a moose, in order to strike fear in the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. I am... MooseWoman.
Addendum:
Dear Christopher Nolan,
If you get bored after you finish this whole Batman thing and want to go back to the superhero genre, feel free to use my "MooseWoman" idea... Just let me work on it... in any capacity. I have a Keurig, I could make you coffee!
Love and Bat Signals,
Jen
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