My parents used to call me "Princess" all the time when I was a child. Then I grew up and realized that other people did not agree with this title, nor did they realize I was actually royalty and would not treat me like one. So when I got to work today and the salon needed guinea pigs to try out prom up-dos, I was actually OK with being a test subject. I never went to prom so I didn't get to go through the whole "Princess for a day" thing. I just never saw the point of having to pay to get back into the school dressed like a cupcake-human hybrid that escaped from Candyland. So I decided that today was going to be my one day of royalty. Of course, things never go my way and I attracted every crazy in the store.
The first peasant travelled far to see her princess. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand her accent from a foreign land. However, I did understand a little bit that this Asian lass said to me while I was waiting on her. I believe this bit was "Oooh. Sexy lady."
The second subject I encountered could possibly be a good jester in my court. A young lad walked up to me, shoved his wrists in my face and said "Smell these." First of all, peasant, please address me by my full name and title, Princess Jen HiremeChristopherNolan from the land of Gotham City. Second of all, please tell people what is on your wrists before they smell them. (No, this one is real advice. That was a bit of a super creep move right there, sir). Turns out it was cologne, but I still didn't smell it in fear that I might catch the Black Plague.
The third and serf with a bad dental plan walked up to the register and had the audacity to look me in the eyes. It was slightly more audacious that he asked "Is everything in this store for sale?" I took pity on him and replied with "Yes, except for the mannequins." Then, as if he stole a line out of The Blues Brothers, but made it less funny and more creepy, he replied with "Well, babe, I'd like to buy you." Maybe I should learn to shut my mouth sometimes, but it was my princess day, damnit, so I said "I think that's called human trafficking and I'm pretty sure it's illegal." Oh, and this man also had no teeth. I'm not sure what it is about me, but I sure know how to attract those types. If only they were toothless men worthy of my princess-dom. Say, maybe, a hockey player?
And finally, one young lady finally saw me for the royal I am. She and her mother were buying a flower girl dress. The young talkative girl said that she is going to have her hair up and curly, like mine, so she could look like a princess too. But then she paused for a bit and said "I don't know if we both could be princesses though." I was quite nervous that she was going to suggest a joust or a duel to the death, but rather she said, "You might have to be a queen." Queen, huh? I like that better. Move over, Freddie Mercury.
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