'Twas the night of Valentine's Day, when all through the house
Not a single girl was bitching, about not having a spouse
The kitchen was clean, the cupboards were bare
In hopes half off candy soon would be there
All the single ladies were nestled snug in their beds
While visions of cheap sweets danced in their heads
And I in my PJs, my dog in my lap
Had just settled down for a film filled with sap
When down the street, there came a great noise
I had to stop thinking of such a silly thing as boys
Out the door, I ran like the Flash
With only a pocketful of change, very little cash
The red bullseye gave off such an inviting glow
Illuminating the automatic doors that were right below
I entered the store and what did I hear
The sound of a markdown gun ringing loud and clear
A man in a diaper, looking very stupid
I knew that moment, he must be Cupid
He spoke not a word, continued his work
Marking the candy half off, just like the stock clerk
His eyes how they twinkled! He moved with such grace!
His cheeks were so rosy... just not the ones on his face
On his back he carried an arrow and bow
He shot a man in Reno, to prove they weren't just for show
I thought his sudden appearance to be quite queer
But that's OK, he gave me a 3 Musketeer
He put down the candy, his wings began to flap
I tried to get the store to start a slow clap
But I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
"Happy half off candy day to all and to all a good night!"
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