We Can't Stop Here. This Is Yinzer Country.

I made my escape from the seventh circle of hell... for a week. I assumed that since for some reason the burning fluorescent lighting and the malevolent demons... err, customers running amuck serve as my inspiration that I wouldn't be writing for awhile. I was right. Even my crazy, kooky family was relatively normal for Easter. The main exception was the Easter vigil mass,

which serves as sort of a young priest museum- you can look, but not touch. Such a shame, sometimes. I'm usually like the restless 5 year old in church, but I was pretty exhausted thanks to suffering in h-e-double hockey sticks for eight hours. And speaking of hockey sticks, that was also the day that my Pens decided to horribly disappoint me with scoring 2 goals against Tampa's 8, so that didn't motivate me to stay awake. Luckily, my mother took over as the inappropriate one in the family for the night. Apparently there is an Irish priest visiting and every time he went up to the altar my mom exclaimed "Ooh! It's the little leprechaun." It didn't help much that the poor man was rather vertically challenged... and wearing a green vestment. Now, if it would have been me, I would have referred to the Eucharist as "Lucky Charms," but my little protege is learning.

Anyway, Saturday I realized that the crazy, kooky city I live in is a muse in itself. So I decided to take a walk to every fat kid's favorite part, the Strip District. My day started off with taking the incline down "da mount." The incline is a favorite tourist destination... and an actual mode of transportation for the locals. This just seems to astound the out of towners because every time I ride the damn thing, I get asked a million questions that always ends with "You're so lucky you get to take this all the time." Yup, paying over $3 to ride a car down a hill is FANTASTIC! But I usually just nod politely and put my headphones back in and try to muffle the sounds of "What if the cable snaps? What if the brakes don't work?" (never fails, at least one person says one of these things). Luckily, our car made it safely to the bottom and I continued on my way.

As soon as I stepped off the bridge, I heard sirens in the distance. And a lot of sirens. Now, I'm pretty sure that I picked the wrong major because every time I hear the police car/ firetruck/ ambulance's wail and flashing lights, I decide it's a brilliant idea to run after them. These sirens lead me straight to the convention center, which was housing the NRA convention for the weekend. Not as good as Anthro Con...

(Pittsburgh should be so proud)

But I'll accept it. Not only was the NRA there, but some protestors (of course) arrived in a parade! And who doesn't love a parade, especially in the Burgh?! Unfortunately, my requests for candy or at least a high school marching band were not met. Then a large caravan of many buses and trucks proclaiming that the date of the end of the world is May 21st appeared. They drove right up to the convention center and ANOTHER parade of people piled out of the bus. I suppose if you need to let someone know about the impending apocalypse, it should be the folks with the guns. I kept my distance, but secretly I just wanted to run skipping through the crowds singing "It's a small world, after all..." Unfortunately, I have a sprained ankle that still hasn't healed so I was walking with a hint of a limp. In case anyone asked what happened, I was prepared to say that I was shot and it hasn't healed properly.

At this point, my transfer was about to run out so I grabbed the Polish Terrible Towel I bought and headed back to the incline, which had a line of tourists out the door. As soon as I got a seat, I began digging for my transfer. The woman across from me saw a flash of the Terrible Towel and asked me if I carried it around all the time. I replied with "Yes, everyone in Pittsburgh does."

So I finally made it home, thinking the events of the day were rather amusing, but not a great reflection of the quirkiness of the city. Then, on Sunday, a major news event happened- Osama Bin Laden has finally been killed. Most people just watch the news channels or the major news programs or just tune in for the presidential statement. But I wait around for the good stuff- the local news. And I was not disappointed. For some reason, WPXI thought it was a fantastic idea to go out and interview the good citizens of Pittsburgh... at midnight. On a Sunday. In the city that goes to bed by 10. The nice interviewee, donning the latest Pittsburgh fashion in flannel and a trucker hat, stated "Well, there's gonna be rep'rcussions, n'at." Yoi! There's the yinzers I love.