Can I get a tweet tweet?

So after a small detour, I return to the title of this blog. Just to update you, I still have not found a job in my field. I've tried. I actually got a response from Pixar... a rejection, but it was a response. I was excited by this until I was rejected the next day by "The Biggest Loser."...Really? The show with the title which perfectly describes me doesn't want me casting for them? I might as well stock up on some bacon and whore it up with the carbs and hope for a heart attack. I guess you know you're the ugly girl at the dance when the "biggest loser" doesn't even want you.

On the bright side though I did dream up a few more long shots for achieving occupational bliss (not to be taken like I'm going to become a hooker. Trust me, no one wants that). First, I am going to come up with cover letters that are 140 characters or less. That's right, I've been working on my twitter account (that sentence just depresses me). I've discovered in the world of "tweeting" it's very hard to sound snarky, witty and funny without sounding like a complete idiot...in 140 characters. I have posted a few statuses that aren't "Heeeeeyyyy goin' outside" (ten minutes later) "Itz so hotttt"... etcetera. My next step is to tweet celebrities begging for a job... in a witty way that could get me noticed... in 140 characters. It's a challenge, but I've accepted it. Unfortunately, this means instant writer's block. Hopefully after my day of rest, I'll get a spark of creativity. Twitter is very nerve-wracking though- there's a character countdown. There's so much pressure to fit all of my ramblings into one giant, run on sentence.

My second awesome attempt, but ridiculous long shot is to send Chelsea Handler a bottle of Belvedere (lemon flavored) with my resume taped around it and a letter that's not so much a cover letter, but just full of sarcastic comments. We have about the same sense of humor. Who knows? It just might work.

An Ode to Samuel L Jackson?

Pulp Fiction is on, which reminded me of these old Samuel L Jackson jokes I wrote awhile ago on my xanga (yeah, I had a blg before they were cool) so I dug them up for a bit of a blast from the past. Even though no one else really has read them, so they will be new, fresh and awesome for you!


*Samuel L. Jackson didn't use a taser on the snakes, he just looked at them and they were electrocuted by his awesomeness.

*Samuel L. Jackson really is the foot fuckin' master.

*Samuel L. Jackson was actually the one that put the snakes on the plane. He was bored with beating up bears at the zoo and needed a challenge.

*If Samuel L. Jackson was in a room with Chuck Norris, the world would implode. ((That's right, implode, not explode because imploding is cooler))

*Samuel L. Jackson doesn't really need a gun, it's just less messy than ripping a man's head off with his bare hands.

*During the filming of Star Wars, Samuel L. Jackson was the only one with a real lightsaber... that he made himself.

*"Motherfucking" is no longer considered a swearword, rather it is said in praise to Samuel L. Jackson

*Samuel L. Jackson can force France to call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

*Samuel L. Jackson was the first to use the Force, it just wasn't documented because of the sheer awesomeness.... that and everyone in the vicinity was immediately killed.

*It really was Marsellus Wallace's soul in the case. Samuel L. Jackson took it because Marsellus Wallace bet that he couldn't beat the shit out of some motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. He was wrong. Dead wrong.

*Samuel L. Jackson suggested that Jurrasic Park be called "Dinosaurs on an Island," but the studios dismissed the idea. The movie was then doomed to 2 horrible sequels. And the only thing everyone remembers about all 3 movies is "Hold onto your butts"

*The line "Play it again, Sam" from A Night in Casablanca (Yes, A Night in Casablanca, not Casablanca...believe me) was changed from "Fuck them sons of bitches up again, Sam" when Samuel L. Jackson pulled out of the film due to the fact that the producers refused to change the title to Nazis in Casablanca.

*You know how kryptonite kills Superman? Samuel L. Jackson eats it for breakfast. Kellogs is trying to market it as "The breakfast of gods"

*Samuel L. Jackson just didn't quote the Bible in Pulp Fiction. He had it memorized because he was God's spell-check/ occasional thesaurus.