An Ode to Samuel L Jackson?

Pulp Fiction is on, which reminded me of these old Samuel L Jackson jokes I wrote awhile ago on my xanga (yeah, I had a blg before they were cool) so I dug them up for a bit of a blast from the past. Even though no one else really has read them, so they will be new, fresh and awesome for you!


*Samuel L. Jackson didn't use a taser on the snakes, he just looked at them and they were electrocuted by his awesomeness.

*Samuel L. Jackson really is the foot fuckin' master.

*Samuel L. Jackson was actually the one that put the snakes on the plane. He was bored with beating up bears at the zoo and needed a challenge.

*If Samuel L. Jackson was in a room with Chuck Norris, the world would implode. ((That's right, implode, not explode because imploding is cooler))

*Samuel L. Jackson doesn't really need a gun, it's just less messy than ripping a man's head off with his bare hands.

*During the filming of Star Wars, Samuel L. Jackson was the only one with a real lightsaber... that he made himself.

*"Motherfucking" is no longer considered a swearword, rather it is said in praise to Samuel L. Jackson

*Samuel L. Jackson can force France to call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

*Samuel L. Jackson was the first to use the Force, it just wasn't documented because of the sheer awesomeness.... that and everyone in the vicinity was immediately killed.

*It really was Marsellus Wallace's soul in the case. Samuel L. Jackson took it because Marsellus Wallace bet that he couldn't beat the shit out of some motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. He was wrong. Dead wrong.

*Samuel L. Jackson suggested that Jurrasic Park be called "Dinosaurs on an Island," but the studios dismissed the idea. The movie was then doomed to 2 horrible sequels. And the only thing everyone remembers about all 3 movies is "Hold onto your butts"

*The line "Play it again, Sam" from A Night in Casablanca (Yes, A Night in Casablanca, not Casablanca...believe me) was changed from "Fuck them sons of bitches up again, Sam" when Samuel L. Jackson pulled out of the film due to the fact that the producers refused to change the title to Nazis in Casablanca.

*You know how kryptonite kills Superman? Samuel L. Jackson eats it for breakfast. Kellogs is trying to market it as "The breakfast of gods"

*Samuel L. Jackson just didn't quote the Bible in Pulp Fiction. He had it memorized because he was God's spell-check/ occasional thesaurus.