The weather outside may be frightful, but retail is even moreso

So it's been awhile and I've felt that I've been in a rather creative slump. But then I realized that I've just been pouring my creativity into other things that are not at all productive... like making a rubber band ball at work. Then, I decided that wasn't enough so I stole the "Caution! Wet Floor" sign and set it up as a goal... I truly don't care if people fall, it might make the day more eventful and it would feel just like I was in a Charlie Chaplin picture. But then I couldn't talk and I would just move my mouth, then hold up a sign of what I just said. Hey! That's an idea... But, anyway, back to the magical evening I was just describing... I found one of those yard sticks that fold down and made it into a golf club/ hockey stick. And just like that, Register Hockey Golf was born.

You might ask yourself, where were the customers when this innovative game was conceived? Well, I imagine they were tucked safely away in their own homes while the fearless retail associates risked their lives to be of service in case anyone decided to brave the Pittsburghian tundra to get a new top. That's right. There was a giant ass blizzard. And not the good kind from the Dairy Queen. Did we close early? No. Were there people shopping? Yes. But they were Russian- this was like summertime to these folks and they really didn't make an appearance till the end of the night. There was a 3 hour lull where I just sat and watched the tumbleweeds go by... or the dbous (dust bunnies of unusual size... if that sounds slightly familiar- the rouses were rodents of unusual size in the Princess Bride. I feel the need to explain my slightly obscure references). And these people didn't buy anything. The store probably only made about $200 from the time it started snowing. I knew it was snowing because EVERY CUSTOMER HAD TO TELL ME. I had to come up with some response better than "Yup. It's winter" or "Yup. They said it was going to."

So I came up with:

"Drats! Da Heat Meiser's plan haz been foiled again!"

"Oops! I guess I didn't use enough aerosol hairspray this morning! Workin' on that hole in the ozone layer"

"Oh no! 2012 is coming! The end of times is at hand. Oh. It's January in Pennsylvania. Snow is normal"

"At least it's not dead birds"

"I'll be concerned when it's fireballs"

"And you came to the mall why?"

Just singing "Let it snow" until they run away

"If you are planning on building a snowman, we just sold our last magic hat to make it come to life. Try Macy's."

"If only it was raining men."

Need I go on? Unfortunately, my quick wit needed an oil change and by the time I finally got frustrated enough to use one of these quips, all of the customers were gone. And only the associates remained. It was like a horror movie where snow was the axe wielding murderer. But instead of an axe, it just made your commute home shittastic. Even though we didn't close that night, we did close Sunday for something that was even more nerve wracking... the AFC championship game. Go Stillers.