Life is a highway? My life is a bad comedy.

I always wanted my life to be like a movie. Mayhaps that is why I became a cinema major. Sometimes I even hear a rather epic score in my head or try to jump-start a montage if I'm having a particularly boring day. Over the past few days, it seems that situations from films have been jumping right off the silver screen and intwining themselves in my life. Unfortunately, it wasn't the Gregory Peck showing up on a Vespa and taking me to Rome that I imagined...

You know those horrible comedies where a rather large woman is mistaken for being pregnant? And an awkward situation ensues? (but not a lot of laughter) Guess who that rotund lady was? Me. Now, I am not the smallest chick in the Easter basket, but I like to think that I'm just a little curvy and in no need of being airlifted out of my house...yet. I was picking up clothes in the maternity department, when I heard a voice beside me say "It's so hard to find clothes at that stage." I looked around and noticed I was the only other person nearby so I assumed that she was talking to me (about what, I had no idea) so I responded with "Huh?" The woman looked at me and said "Well, being so early on, just a few months on..." That got another "Huh?" and then I realized that she was implying that I was with child (what kind of child I still have no idea). My usual quick-wit was even startled by this one so I just told her that I work in the store and was not shopping. Then anger consumed my wit and I was just pissed off the whole day. Now that I've had time to think about it, I came up with a few better responses:

"I just need stretchy pants for the food baby I get after eating endless soup, salad, and breadsticks at the Olive Garden"

"Yeah, I go on Maury next month to find out who the father is."

"Did you know you could get impregnated by a gorilla?"

"I just got back from my a-bduction. I think them there aliens did something to me."

"Between you and me, it's the second coming. The end is near."

Then today, action movies decided to take a stab at ruining my life (or at least day). You know that one where the bus can't stop? Well, I think my little Cavy idolized that bus and decided he wanted to grow up to be just like it. I was actually prepared to go to work and running on time when I stopped to go onto a highway and my car started moving forward. I really thought that I had my foot on the brake and then I realized that my foot was still on the brake, it was just touching the floor. When I panic, I start flailing about so I inadvertently started pumping the brake... and that still didn't stop me. So I just decided to go for it and propelled my car onto the road. Another thing I do when I panic is call my parents because I am a big baby. This time I made the mistake of calling when I was still driving (at about 15 miles an hour with my hazards on). The last stage of panicking is my father yelling at me to calm down. Because angry screaming is what every person who can barely breathe wants to hear. He did snap me out of it though because it forced me to yell something along the lines of "I'm not Keanu Reeves, I don't know what to do in this situation!" Unfortunately, Keanu Reeves did not jump into my car to help me. Sandra Bullock did not offer to drive. And the whole ordeal was probably not as exciting. But luckily, my car did not explode and I like to think that my life has a little stronger of a plot.