Well, I finally did it. I became Storm. My anger and pure hatred of retail caused a snowstorm of epic proportions. Well, maybe not as epic as last year's snowmageddon, but pretty darn close.
We were extremely busy the whole weekend. The store was filled with bitter biddies, toddlers with their tiaras, and just overall annoying individuals. These folks managed to create a perfect storm... in my head. The entire weekend I just prayed for a snowstorm to send everyone panicking to Giant Eagle... and Monday we got one. Like I said, I can control the weather. I only wish I could control the idiotic public...
Since my manager knows that I have no life, I am scheduled just about every Saturday night and this past one was no exception. The only good thing is I miss most of the old folks who stampede through the store after their Grand Slam breakfast and a quick jaunt around the mall to get revved up before harassing unsuspecting mall employees. I thought I was lucky, having dodged this tiny, little speck of a bullet, but I got hit with a grenade instead. I guess I'm not the girl the oh-so-dreamy Bruno Mars sings about. Although, to catch this grenade, he'd have to take down every teenager, toddler with a tiara, the soccer/ pageant mom that accompanies them, and, of course, the women who look like men dressed as women.
This week I ran into some real toddlers and tiaras.Usually they're just trying on prom dresses for "fun" or to be "grown up"- these hussies to be were trying them on to compete and to figure out which dress is best to "shake it for the judges in." Maybe it was all innocent and they were just making Shake n Bake potatoes to the tune of "Shake It" by Metro Station. I don't think this was the case though. The mother seemed very adamant on the girl getting the slinky red dress so she could "shake it." I don't know what she had to shake though because this child was about 8 or 9. And why were they trying on dresses at a middle-end department store anyway? I thought people spent hundreds of dollars on fancy dresses the kid could grow out of by pageant day anyway. Oh, wait. We have skank hoe dresses. Way to teach your kids, the future teen moms of America. Hopefully they'll make it on the show. By the way, the mom in this scenario was not only the pageant mom, but she was the woman who looked like a man dressed as a woman that looked upon me with a judgmental stare. All my favorite things rolled up into one tight, dysfunctional family that leaves dresses balled up in the fitting room and run screaming up and down the hallway.
Now for a story that happened today about a place that actually seems to care about their customers. As pretty much everyone knows, I'm poor. So when my friend at work goes out to Starbucks to get coffee, I usually request an ice water because it's free. And as everyone knows, I like to feel special and not feel left out. So when everyone else gives their coffee order, I usually request a "Venti ice water, blended." Sometimes it gets a laugh out of the Starbucks employees, but today they took it seriously. She came back with my ice water that they attempted to blend... which apparently caused the line to get backed up just so they could get me FREE water order correct. Now those are some devoted workers. Not going to lie, it was pretty good- it was like there was a snowball in the middle of the cup. Maybe next time I'll ask for a "Venti water, two scoops ice, blended, no whipped cream."
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