Adventures in Women's Lingerie

So they moved me to the lingerie department where the air conditioning actually works and a small army of Hello Kitties stare me down with their demon possessed eyes. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. Why girls want a kitten who is clearly a minion of Lucier on their underwear boggles my mind. Oh, wait, I Just figured it out.

I am slightly excited about being stuck up here. Although, probably not as excited as the "Chococat" on a 13 year old's crotch. Sorry, some of the stuff up here just makes me question the sanity of the human race. A lot of it explains "16 and Pregnant." Finally! All the questions and mythology answered! Except what the heck is that light on the island and is that guy really wearing eyeliner? Oh. Wait. Wrong show. (Diary of a Lostaholic: Breaking the Addiction coming soon!)

So I should explain why I am content to stand among the old lady bras and panties that dance in a pedophile's wet dream. It's simple. Everytime I work in this otherwise dreaded department, something completely batshit insane happens (See- woman calling me a slut and almost giving me the swine flu). Usually it's an aggravating, slightly annoying, or disgusting (see- old women flashing me. Poor old biddies must think I have Mardi Gras beads behind the register). Tonight is different. Tonight, if something happens I can write about it on here and use it as comedic material for a better job. All of this means it's going to be another mundane night. This is ok too because the first draft of this entry was written on a piece of scrap paper I found near the register.

So one hour left and nothing interesting has happened so far. Except finding a pair of underwear with monkeys on it that says "Paul Frank is you friend"... cause that's not creepy brainwashing or anything.

At 7:18 (42 minutes left) I learned who buys the Hello Kitty underwear... women in their 30s.

At 7:23 I finally looked behind me and discovered a mannequin clad in leopard print grandma pjs. I guess if you can't be a cougar, you might as well be a leopard?

At 7:26 a Goo Goo Dolls song came on! Yay! And a guy with his girlfriend (speculating) walk by. She checks out the pajama pants with funny animals on them, he checks out the mannequin. Dear girl, stop blue balling him, honey, he's checking out plastic... the entirely fake kind.

At 7:36 I discovered the "denim look" leggings. Now if "jeggings" weren't bad enough, these are basically leggings printed to look like jeans complete with printed on pockets. Once again! Leggings. Are. NOT. PANTS!

At 7:40- Finished my grocery list.

At 7:50- Wife returns something while husband sings "I Melt with You." If only it were unusual to have people confuse the register for the American Idol judges, but I usually get a live performance at least once a day.

And FINALLY at 8:12- I leave.