I decided to take only the first three letters of "associate" seriously this Labor Day.

Yesterday was Labor Day- the day the rest of America had off except those in the retail and food business (save for the police, firemen, doctors/ nurses, etc. But we actually NEED those people... going to buy clothes everyday? No, that is not a necessity). Of course we were busy because it was a beautiful day and why go to a silly thing like a picnic when you can be inside with the spectacular fluorescent lighting and the grandiose nature of the mannequin displays nobly standing before the entrance. As I robotically put away the dresses, doing my best to keep the glitter dandruff out of my eyes and off my clothes, a woman told me to "Wake up." My initial response was "It's better to sleep walk through this job (you bitch.)" But then I thought about it more. Ok, I'll listen to her and wake up... but that was too much to bear. So I decided to stay awake, but be a different person....

Sometimes those crazy fitting rooms just get so excited clothes just seem to seep from the walls and the floor and just go everywhere! Sometimes they get so excited, they even pee a little. Or maybe that's just from the asshole customers who inside the fitting room. Most of the managers agree that keeping a "customer service associate" in the fitting room will stop the customers not only from urinating (or worse) in the room, but will also make them reconsider building their own version of Everest out of prom dresses. Luckily on Labor day, I got to be the associate to stand guard. Now, most of the people (putting it politely) in the fitting room that day were little high school girls giggling about going to their homecoming dance. Oh, what a joy that was for me to hear. Some even brought their own tunes in so they can pretend like they're in a movie montage (sigh. If only I could cut them). Most brought their mothers who would stand outside the door and try to make small talk with me about how awesome and gorgeous their daughters are. Well, that just wouldn't do. I had to prove them wrong and be more interesting than the mother/daughter duo combined... even if it meant telling a few white lies:


-To one mother I was a Canadian exchange student, eh? My favorite food is maple syrup and I trekked down from the Great White North to see what an American part time job is like. So far it's not as fun as training the sled dogs for the summer Olympics. I like curling, but not as much as hockey, of course. Eh?

-To another mother I used to weigh close to 200 pounds until I started working in retail. It's such a great workout. They actually even keep the place sweltering hot because they're encouraging employees to lose weight. I've never felt healthier!... I think she applied for a job.

- To another mother, I absolutely, like totally love this job. It is like soooo awesome and like I get to go like shopping like all the time and like it's just really cool. That one was hard to get through. She didn't seem phased at all... then, she did have a teenage daughter.

-And finally to another mother, I am 33 years old and took the job because I'm too ugly to be a trophy wife and that was really my only goal. So I'm trying to find a rich old man who can't see well. (Ok. Maybe part of that is true).



And it all amused me. Can't say it helped the customer service scores when they'll get them back with comments about the "nice Canadian girl in the fitting room" and won't be able to figure out who the hell it is. What can I say? I'm an asshole.