So for the past 2 days I have been safe from the moronic public (or more well-known as the "general public"). Well, for the most part. I did have an almost literal run in with a Mount Washington fire truck. Why use the siren when you're approaching a blind corner? A wreck would ensure job security! OK, that was crossing the line. I can't say anything bad about firemen. Especially the ones on Mount Washington, we do have crackheads that like to set things on fire.
Sunday my goal was simple. I want to become one of those giant fat ladies that are grafted to their couch and need a crane to lift them (and their couch) out of the house. Since I fit into the 1x belt at work, I am very close to achieving at least this goal (cause I am going nowhere fast with the rest of mine). I spent a grand total of 10 hours on my couch watching the magic black box in the living room that melts my brain and tells me what to do and what to buy.... this is commonly referred to as the "television." Actually, this isn't too impressive, I've done a lot better (23 hours watching "The Twilight Zone" on New Years, hollah!). However, this time I did discover "Sir Patrick," the hoarder, who I need to find and make him my own. And by my own I mean my gay best almost midget friend who I take shopping at Baby Gaga (it's like Baby Gap, but specializing in children's clothing based on the styles of Lady Gaga). Since that is never going to happen I had to extinguish that dream early on and decided to switch to the Video Music Awards on MTV. This made me feel incredibly old. I did make a few observations though:
-OK, Rihanna= battered woman, Eminem=woman beater. Their wonder twin powers unite in a song about an abusive relationship. These two need a puppy or something cuddly. C'mon, it's a recession and you're singing about that? I thought you were supposed to be wishing on a shooting star... oh, wait, that's an airplane. Let's pretend. Hey! That should be a song.
-Justin Bieber is a 30 year old woman in disguise. Anyone see Orphan? I don't think it got very good ratings, so probably not, but Mr. Maggie Gyllenhaal is in it so I did. Anyway, the kid in it is actually a 30-something midget pretending to be 8 to seduce the dad and kill the mom. That's not fucked up. Midgets should use their power for good, not evil. Justin Bieber seems to be using his midget power for evil and must be stopped. Either that or they are pumping him so full of hormones that either he will 1. Never be able to reproduce (and there was much rejoicing!) 2. Become a woman 3. Become Lady Gaga.
-Lady Gaga could be Justin Bieber from the future come here to warn him to stop taking those hormones. This also explains her choice of outfits.
-Lady Gaga did not get enough attention as a child.
-Robots are taking over the music industry... or someone is using autotune to stave off their crack addiction and they can't wait to get their next fix. I mean, really, can these people actually sing or does that not matter anymore as long as you dress like a hooker?
That's pretty much all I saw since I had to get my fat ass moving and I felt far too old and unhip anyway.
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