When Irish eyes are smiling...they aren't stuck in retail hell.

On this hallowed weekend of St. Patty's when my fellow Irishmen can roam the streets free of sobriety, I was stuck in the hellhole all freaking Saturday. I suppose you could say I still upheld some of the traditions still since I was positively green with envy at those drunken bastards. Unfortunately, I was stuck waiting on angry little leprechauns who wanted to keep every speck of gold.

A customer walked up to my register on Saturday with one of the survey coupons that cannot be combined with any other coupon anymore. We also had coupons that were $15 off you spent $75. She could have split her purchase up into two different transactions, but wanted to know which would be the better deal. I informed her that it was a twenty cent difference, but if she wanted to use the survey coupon then it would at least be on one receipt. She agreed to this, but when I finished she looked at her receipt and asked if I used both coupons. To which I responded that I already told her I couldn't. Then she said that she would have saved more money had she split them up into two transactions. Yes, she would have saved a whole 20 cents. So she made me return everything and ring it up again. I hope she enjoys all that cash money she got back. You can't even buy a bowl of Lucky Charms with that kind of change.

Then around 8:00, the drunks must have gotten a second wind and decided to come to the mall. Or at least one woman dressed like the a lady leprechaun working on the corner for a special kind of pot of gold. She walked up to my register and threw a bag on the counter and said she needed to return some things. Well, there was only one shirt in the bag and this was just devastating. She almost had a breakdown because she forgot the other shirt she needed to bring back. I had no sympathy because I'm pretty sure there's bigger problems in the world right now than an ill-fitting shirt sitting alone on a kitchen counter. And I think she needed the money for more booze anyway...

I suppose there's always the "real" St. Patrick's day to celebrate, but men in skirts playing bagpipes only march around once...well, maybe twice....maybe a few times a year. What? Yinzers like parades.